uh, hi... sorry I've been so absent around here lately. I've been in a funny head space. Sick boys, visitors, hubby off work, house in constant state of disarray... you know how it gets when there's so many things to do and so many more distractions. Here's a few things on my mind right now:
- I've seemingly lost my sewing mojo. not sure if this coincides with the new sewing machine but I've had some issues trying to get into any form of sewing. and when I do try, things go bad bad bad. Which is really depressing when all I want to do is get some 'squidgyums' hoodies sewn up for sale because the bills keep rolling in.
- speaking of bills, doesn't winter suck?! I feel like our power and food bills are constantly through the roof at this time of the year. And Finley is growing and we are having issues getting him some warm winter clothing. I should really make some, but there's that sewing thing again, huh?!
- Because the bills are so high, we have now no savings to pay off our debt. debt = no house buying yet. did I mention I wanted our own home before the end of the year? also no house buying = no baby. because we'd never be approved for a mortgage with 3 kids. no baby = unhappy Kristin, because all I really want in this world is a giant family. Being sensible and grown-up about these things sucks.
- I'm not sure if I've already said it here but I'm not really happy with the boys new PORSE carer. It might just be a personality clash on my part?.... either way something inside me is not really settled with this lady having a part in raising my boys. Don't get me wrong, she is GREAT with kids and Archer adores her. Finley says he enjoys his time there but it's the little things that tell me otherwise. (and if we aren't completely happy isn't it one of those unnecessary bills??)
- On the same note, if I take the boys out of daycare I'm scared of being unable to provide them with the social interaction and all the attention they need. I'm also scared (because I'm an extreme introvert) of not having my space (which I really need) and circling back into a bad place mentally.
- I have a constant flow of washing not drying. rain sucks. why can't it rain at night when we are all asleep and then be sunny all day so I can get my washing dry?
- Lots of cups of tea have been consumed. Too much thinking has been done. Not much crafting has been achieved.
OK, depressing post over. good to get somethings off my chest. Now hopefully I can finally get my head out of the clouds and do something productive!
Eee sad post :(
ReplyDeleteI hope things brighten up for you (even literally!) so things can start falling into place.
I dont have kids (yet), but aren't there always free things you can take them to? Our church does a free music/dance program for under 5's on Fridays. Isn't that common? Or library days etc? Maybe you know other youngins and can organise a weekly play date?
Sending you lots of love! <3
Ooh hugs Kristin!!! So relatable too... I worry about Eleanor's social world too, because I don't have the courage to go to playcentre, and I'm also nervous about letting someone else take care of her (silly, I know). We're working out a plan but it's hard! And then you having your own space is so important too - tough call!
ReplyDeleteAs for the poverty of winter, yup! Totally in the same boat. I was doing tutoring twice a week until a few weeks ago, and we have REALLY noticed the difference on our pocket since I stopped.
No house for us yet either (though we haven't been waiting as long)... I didn't realise the thing about three kids though, it might be different if you are doing some part time work when you apply for a mortgage, even with three kiddies. You could stop the work once you've been approved, but it might get you through the door? I know that two incomes makes a huge difference, and might override having a big family... If it makes you feel more optimistic, my mum got a half mortgage and she had four kids living at home...
Anyway, commiserations and hope that getting it off your chest helped... Aroha!
oh i totally get the rain thing - i do a load of washing, its out on a rack (not the line - what's the point) then after a night it goes into the dryer for the lowest shortest time ever and then it goes in for a night or two in the hot water cupboard.. AND then sometimes J complains of musty clothes. I SERIOUSLY CAN'T WIN!
ReplyDeletei think with that porse thing that you should trust your gut - mother's instinct and all... not sure what to do once you've trusted it though.
hope things start looking up, i hate having too many things to worry about!!
i hope you get your sewing mojo back - i was hoping to get something from you soonish!
* i reckon your sewing mojo is hiding cos it knows it's not gonna be for FUN...it's gonna be for WORK. you've got to trick it into coming out :)
ReplyDelete*bills, bills, bills. JR has been trapping possums before work (starting at 5am) for the last week. $135 per kg of fur atm. it's a winter boost. and yes, i remember applying for a mortgage and being horrified at how judged i felt for having so many kids and no job. they make you feel like will only have $2 per week to live off (or, more importantly, pay THEIR MONEY BACK!!)
*pull them. find another. yup
*social interaction is WAY overrated - and i'm suspicious it's largely propoganda just to make mums not feel so guilty about sending their kids to daycare.
personal space/mental health - that's NOT overrated :)
* it is what it is. don't fight it! :)
*thinking is good (and hard work sometimes)
XXXXXXXOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOO
I'm pouring you a big virtual cup of tea right now (cos I'm just not a hugger).
ReplyDeleteI did not know that about kids and mortgages either. God only seriously knows how we managed one with 4 AND being on a below ave wage...all I can say is miracles DO happen, don't let money and "things" get in the way of your truest hearts desires because they are things money can't buy.
I'm totally reminding myself of this too right now.
Chin up sweets and do what you feel is best x
Oh Poo Bums! I know how you feel with the mortgage thing..I had to hide my bump during our visits to the broker when we bought this place. As for the porse thing I agree with Dee, I would trust your Motherly instincts there. Soon enough they will be off to kindy (if you're a kindy kinda girl) and you'll get a bit more sancturary time. sping is coming soon hun...sunlight = Vit D = Happy mind! sending lovies your way xxx
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